THIS IS 36

When I woke up this morning I was 36. Just like that. 35 one day, 36 the next. 36 Seems like a pretty insignificant birthday but upon reflecting on it, it is actually a pretty important one.
All birthdays are a great time for reflection. Where you have been, where you still want to go. What life means today, in this exact moment.
During my twenties I had pretty specific goals on how I saw my life. None that came to fruition. But rather, they came to fruition differently. And I am so glad they did.
I love my life. I can say that without a moment’s hesitation. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my job. It is a life that I chose. The universe may lead us down different paths but I chose to walk down these ones. It hasn’t always been easy but the best things never are.
So back to 36, why is this a significant birthday. For me, it’s the first birthday without my parents. That usual phone call in the morning to wish me a happy birthday didn’t come and I am reminded of the little things. See, birthdays have always been a thing in our house. We would get together and have a birthday dinner. Always a birthday dinner. But it’s never about the dinner is it? It’s about spending time together, the thing that you always take for granted until it’s no longer there.
So today is a different feeling for me. I am not depressed, but I’d be lying if I said I’m totally myself. I am okay with this feeling but I am processing it and turning it over in my head and thinking about it. Did I think I was going to be here in this moment at 36? What do I still want to achieve in my life? How will I get there? Life is short, how I can take full advantage of every day?
I know without a doubt that I want to take my husband and girls on this ride with me. If I do fulfill some bucket list item and travel to a remote area of the world I want to share that with them. I want to see their joy, their amazement, my girls little minds processing everything and answering the questions they will ask. There is simply so much life at 36 left to live.
We recently did some renovations in our house. It looks beautiful but I am reminded that I am no happier now than before. The love for my family is still there. The day-to-day hasn’t changed much and overall, it is a great reminder that the material things in life just aren’t that important, to myself at least. Now, I would be lying if I said it wasn’t nice. But nice things don’t fill your cup, they leave you feeling empty, it’s the joy of sharing those nice things with others that truly makes all the difference.
This is 36. And I hope I live to be 136 but still with the same mind and mobility that I have now. Otherwise, what is that life worth? I love this quote by Wayne Dyer,

“You seldom experience regret for anything you have done. It is what you haven’t done that will torment you! The message, therefore is clear. Do it! Develop an appreciation for the present moment. Seize every second of your life and savour it. Value your present moments. Using them up in any self-defeating ways means you have lost them forever.”

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